Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Written for the prompt "Silence" for ladiesbingo at DW

Title: Silence
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 761
Summary: Sometimes the right words are no words at all



Zoe wanders into the cockpit some evenings. She stands just inside the doorway, watching River as she puts Serenity through her paces. Zoe hadn’t spoken much, not since it happened. Not out loud anyway. Her mind was full of screams and wails.

Those things, River could deal with. The quiet that would engulf Zoe's mind sometimes was more frightening than the noise. It was suffocating and still, nearly like death.

River doesn’t talk much, not to Zoe. Empty words shouldn’t be said and Zoe had heard more than her fill of those in the weeks and months since Wash’s death. Empty words spin into cliches. Everyone means well, but no one knows the right words to say.

Sometimes the right words are no words at all. It’s not a perfect silence. River will sit with her, make enough noise to let Zoe know she’s around, that she’s there if and when Zoe wants to remove the protective blankets from her mind. There’s a reason for them. Soon enough, it will be time to take them away, to face the cold.

River wants to make sure that Zoe knows that she’s not going to face that cold alone. River will be here.

The dinosaurs maintain their places on the controls. River doesn’t touch them, but they never seem to accumulate dust, so she suspects Zoe steals time with them when she’s away from the cockpit. She wonders if Zoe speaks to the dinosaurs, if she speaks to Wash’s presence, still everywhere in this tiny space. She doesn’t think Zoe would give Wash the silent treatment. River feels his sadness though, a weight heavy in the air.

River hums when she works. It’s a song that her mother used to sing to her to get her to sleep that was always very soothing. There are words, but River just wants the music, just wants the sound. She doesn’t know if Zoe knows the song or if she’s even conscious of the soft melody over the sounds of the ship.

She hears something, soft and low, not words, exactly, but a harmony that makes what she’s humming seem richer now that someone is putting voice to it. River doesn’t turn to acknowledge Zoe, just lifts her eyes. When they meet Zoe’s in the glass, the harmony stops and Zoe slips out of the room.

There’s a part of River that wants to scream, a part that wants to seek out Simon and ask him how he could have been so patient when she was locked inside herself.

And she knows the answer to that, sure as she knows that that’s what keeps the ship flying. So she stays patient, stays present.

One evening, Zoe comes and sits in the co-pilot’s chair. She lets out a sigh. River holds her breath, waiting, but nothing comes. She continues to look out into the Black, into the great expanse of space and nothingness that surrounds them. Zoe gets to her feet, quiet as a cat and moves out of the room. River swears that she feels Zoe’s fingers graze her hair.

Some weeks later, the galley is full as the crew dines together. “Thank you,” Zoe whispers and everyone stops to stare at her for a moment. “These last few months have been trying, but I appreciate you.” Her eyes meet River’s across the table and River knows they were meant for her.

River smiles softly.

That night, Zoe joins her in the cockpit again. She picks up one of the dinosaurs. “You never touch them.”

“Not mine to touch.”

“Did you want to?”

She doesn’t need to read Zoe to follow that train of thought. “Sometimes.” It’s the diplomatic response, a remnant from her childhood and she hates herself for it. She hates the expression she sees on Zoe’s face. It’s their first time, talking, really talking, and she just needs to say it.

“Yes,” she amends. The look in Zoe’s eyes is naked and raw and River finds herself moving before she can stop herself.

Their lips touch and it’s not what River expects. It’s stiff and not yielding.

“I’m sorry,” Zoe says, putting her hands on River’s shoulders and taking a step away.

“Stay,” says River. “We don’t have to… keep going, but just stay and talk to me.”

Zoe settles back into the co-pilot’s chair. She laughs, “I don’t have anything to say.”

“Then don’t say anything, just stay with me.”

They sit side by side in silence, staring into the Black as Serenity hurtles through space.