Somewhere Over The Rainbow

trillingstar prompted me with Mukada's confessional scenes from season 1, episode 3 "God's Chillin'".



Tim wandered into the cafeteria where Father Mukada was smoking a cigarette. “Those are bad for you,” Tim said, while lighting up one of his own.

“So my doctor keeps telling me. Are you looking for someone?”

“Just thought I’d come down here and take a load off.”

“Got something on your mind?”

“Dino Ortolani.”

One of the guards strolled through the cafeteria. McManus nodded to the guard.

Mukada said, “My cafeteria confessional hours are over. Maybe we could take this into my office?”

“I shouldn’t bother you,” Tim said, but it didn’t deter him from stubbing out his cigarette and following Ray out of the cafeteria.

“No bother. We all need to get things off our chests sometimes.”

“What do the prisoners talk about?”

“If I told you that, I’d be violating the seal of the confessional.”

“Can you at least tell me if they talk about me?”

“They have their own issues. Your name doesn’t come up.”

“I don’t know whether to be relieved or saddened by that fact.”

“With some of these men, it’s best not to be remembered.”

“What kind of penances do you give out?”

“Some of them get the standard ‘say three Our Fathers and five Hail Marys’. Sometimes I encourage the person saying the confession to do something nice for someone else or to forgive someone who may have wronged them. Oz is penance enough.”

McManus followed Mukada into his office. Ray closed the door.

Tim took a seat across from Ray’s desk. “This is weird.”

“I could turn the lights off. That works better for some people. Has it been a while?”

“Oh, it’s been never. I was born and raised Presbyterian. Confession wasn’t something we did. We talked about sin, and not to do it, but there wasn’t the whole magic talking thing that you Catholics do. Well, there is, but you usually would pay a shrink a hundred bucks and the resolution was never as simple as a couple Hail Marys.”

“You wanted to talk about Dino Ortolani.”

“I failed him. Ortolani was on the road to self-destruction and I just pushed him further down it. I’m not sure I could have saved him. If I hadn’t assigned him to the AIDS ward, if I kept him in the cafeteria, maybe he’d still be alive today. Maybe Emilio Sanchez would be alive today.”

“I visited Sanchez in the AIDS ward. He wanted to die. If it wasn’t Ortolani, it would have been someone else. You are not responsible for all the deaths in Oz, Tim.”

“I feel like it. Sanchez, then Ortolani, now Post. It’s all connected because of a decision that I made. I played god and the real one got pissed off, just like Peter Marie said.”

“The days of smiting went by the wayside after the Old Testament. God’s got a hell of a lot more to do than carry out some personal vendetta against you.”

“So what do I do?”

“Don’t fuck up with the next one.”

“That’s it?”

“Fine. Say three Our Fathers and five Hail Marys. Seriously, Tim, if we start focusing too hard on the things we didn’t do for the inmates, we’re not going to be able to do the things we need to do. Help the ones you can help and forgive yourself for those you can’t. It’s the only way you’re going to survive this place.”

“Thanks, Ray.”

“Anytime.”

Tim left the office. Ray lit up another cigarette and wondered which of the men that he’d sat with in the makeshift confessional today would he be forgiving himself for tomorrow.